How to Let Go of Feeling Mean in the Morning

I wanted to use another adjective in the title for this post, but there’s a list of vocabulary that I will not use in this blog, hence the (still good) choice of synonym. I was standing at the bus stop the other day and feeling a strong urge to succumb to acting in a way that would match the offending adjective, so I simply started thinking, what can I do to make sure that won’t happen? Because I didn’t like it. The feeling was giving me a lot of energy, though, so what can I do? turned in to how can I refocus this?

Well, the wish to act out can be channelled in to sensible things like letting loose for your morning strut to work, or what feels like a strut to you.

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Continuing with the Charlie’s Angels theme, flip that hair while you’re at it!

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You WILL catch that bus, dammit! Run, baby, run!

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How about a little self-imposed psycho-analysis? What exactly is making you feel this way? Did you spill your coffee at breakfast? Did you not get quite enough sleep? Does the dude in the line in front of you stink? Spilled coffee can be wiped up, stained shirts can be changed (if you’re already somewhere else when this happened, remember the world at large always has other things to worry about), one can catch up on sleep and the dude in front of you will eventually move away, or you can change your spot.

Basically it’s better to remember the nice thing your grandma said to you yesterday evening on the phone, or scroll through the Instagram pictures from your recent city break. And whatever anyone else who really is mean does or says:

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Why It’s Fun to Talk About the Weather

Because if you happen to live in a city with a moody climate, you don’t sound like an old person when you discuss it – EVERYONE notices the weather.

It’s always present, mercifully providing the age-old, tried and tested conversation starter or filler.

It’s also a convenient way to bore someone you don’t want to talk with to death, thus making them go away, but for this to work you can’t be funny – you should be exceedingly negative and drone on about one thing, like the rain or the fog. Hopefully they will get the hint.

If for some reason you’re not jumping directly in to a discussion about clothes or shoes (who doesn’t love those), talking about the weather is a good, albeit slightly roundabout way to do it. “Were you also caught in that downpour the other day? My chinchilla wrap was absolutely ruined. Oh, that’s a divine one you’re wearing, by the way, is it fox?”

Rainy weather may lead to stimulating debates on the merits of raincoats vs. umbrellas and rain gear or protection in general.

And finally, there are all these weather-referencing musical numbers and songs out there.

From the ever quotable classics:

To their mashups with 21rst century chart-toppers:

Or the gloriously ridiculous:

And the plain lovely:

Seriously, I could go on for hours.

Ten Things You Can’t Help Doing While Standing in Line

Looking at the back of the heads of the two people in front of you and wondering what they would say if they knew what the backs of their heads looked like. Most likely they wouldn’t be impressed either.

Wondering what the back of your own head looks like.

Making eye contact and then wishing you hadn’t.

Noticing the rack of somewhat ugly congratulatory cards near you and trying to decide which one to get if this was the only place you could ever buy cards from.

Getting an itch.

Scratching the itch (getting creative, depending on where the itch is located).

Reliving the embarassing encounter with your former university professor over and over again in your mind. Wondering why that particular stumbling block of a word had to come back as you crossed paths after five years.

Staring at random things like the scarf of the lady in front of you or the stuffed animal in the hands of the kid beside her (stop staring!).

Listening to snatches of conversation that are fascinating only in this point of time and space: “No, it didn’t fit me, but I just pulled it over my stomach as best as I could”, “That dude over there is so ugly”, “People are such pigs“, “Dad, Mom is better at shopping than you are”.

Feeling an elated sense of accomplishment when the wait is OVER.

 

 

 

How to Make International Guests Uncomfortable at a Party

Or any other social function.

If they have a foreign-sounding name, but say they are from/ live in the town of the country you are currently in, insist on repeatedly asking “Yes, but where are you from originally?” Keep doing this until they start looking confused or find an excuse to move away.

Tell them about your former teacher/ classmate/ neighbor/ the shopkeeper next door who was from there and the strange things they used to do that you “just couldn’t understand”. Then look expectantly at the guest, signalling the need for an explanation.

Insist that they must know some dish or food from their native country, even if they have already denied this knowledge several times.

If they are actually from somewhere else, contradict them about their country in front of everyone. “I went to this two-hour seminar three years ago, and what you say isn’t correct!”

Start a heated monologue about said country’s politics, trying to make it a dialogue. This one is always a winner.

Refuse to accept they don’t like the alcoholic beverage every single member of the population (children excluded) of said country supposedly drinks. Harp on about this for a while and declare it “unbelievable”.

Tell them they can go mingle “over there” with the other people from said country.

Ask them how to pronounce certain words in their language which you think you know and then stubbornly don’t get it.

Ask them how come they know the language of the country they currently live in, even after they said they studied in current country.

Name one person you know, or just pick a name, supposedly from the native country, and ask your guest if they know this person.

Voila, mission accomplished.

10 Obvious, but Productive Things to Do while there is no WiFi

So obviously it’s winter and I’ve been reading quite a lot, though I do that generally. Make that regularly. No, wait, all the time! My reading speed and output (number of finished books) also increases dramatically if I have no internet. I morph from a bookworm to a book-dragon. I burn, baby, burn.

I recently came home one evening to discover that my Wi-Fi wasn’t working at all. Anywhere or on anything. The horror. I had to actually phone people.

While waiting for the problem to be fixed, I came up with lots of ideas on how to fill the time (I’m not someone who doesn’t know what to do otherwise, I do have a life outside of watching YouTube, for God’s sake!).

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  1. The aforementioned reading. If you have a list of books you wanted to read, use it. If a book has been lying around on your nightstand like a neglected sandwich, open it. It will not smell and you will experience a sense of achievement, even if you’ll get to read a few pages before the internet switches back on. No, seriously, reading is important and an experience all on its own, regardless of the internet.
  2. Get rid of old, unnecessary things, like the weird present you got at last year’s Secret Santa (or Schrottwichteln in German. Schrott means crap).
  3. Take out the trash – there’s always trash.
  4. Do one household activity you strongly dislike and be reconfirmed regarding your dislike of said activity.
  5. Stream something. Oh… OK. Pop in a DVD. Do you own DVDs?
  6. Inscribe and sign birthday cards with creative messages of your own unique invention.
  7. Cook! Eat! Food!
  8. Get a colouring book.
  9. Get some air. Outside of the internetless air of your apartment.
  10. Talk to the real people in your life. They will understand your pain.

 

 

 

Things That Still Happen When You Are an Adult (But Are Easier to Deal with Now)

Tripping in public.

During a conversation things are coming out of your mouth that make you feel surprised as you hear them. Cue the (equally) strange behaviour and (somewhat offensive) departure of the other party. OK, so we obviously can’t be weird together, and I will laugh about it later. Because I am an adult.

It’s easier to steer your emotions now. As a result it is easier to have outbursts about things that aren’t really worth having an outburst about, like people shaking off their wet umbrellas directly in the vicinity of your new shoes or the delivery guy leaving your package with a neighbor who’s never home when you are.

Not knowing what to do and knowing that you will need to do something to know.

Unflattering or plain bad outfit choices. Most times it’s just overthinking, though. Or creativity. Don’t be hard on yourself, just reconsider the whole neon is back thing.

Objects breaking. You’re an adult, you can hopefully buy another one or throw a dinner party.

Own it!

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Some of My Favourite Things

Besides “raindrops on roses”, of course.

Warm toast with anything you choose to put on it. It’s one of the fastest comfort foods I know, and it never fails to make me feel content. Having toast or sandwich bread in your cupboard is a sure-fire solution for those evenings when the supermarke is already closed. Toast makes scooping out the last contents of your Nutella jar more fun and the last slice of cheese goes from blah to bam. Also, toast with mayonnaise and tomato is one of the most fantastic things on Earth – something I got hooked on after reading Harriet the Spy (though I’m not sure her sandwiches included toast).

toasterAn apartment filled with sunlight.

Knowing that I still have enough left of an enjoyable book and still reading quickly to get to the end…and ready it again, because I love re-reading.

book

There isn’t a question that Google hasn’t been asked and typing that makes me remember this sketch by CollegeHumor:

There’s a wonderful website called Visual Statements, which is an online haven for lovers of words, slogans, life truths and humour. They also have a shop where you can get STACKS of postcards with their statements, or cute ear studs with tiny print.

It’s the small joys.