Things Told to Me…That Weren’t True!

Maybe you’ve heard a few of these gems as well?

You need to be louder, otherwise people will put you in a box.

You should really speak up, no one can hear you.

You’re too quiet.

You’re very quiet.

You’re really quiet.

You shouldn’t be so shy.

You should be less reserved.

You shouldn’t be so reserved.

You really need to come out of your shell.

Your writing style just doesn’t work.

You can’t wear that color.

I love this, so you (everyone) have (has) to!

I guess that was really easy for you.

You’re so lucky, it’s easy for you.

You’ve never had any problems.

Maybe you’re too picky.

You should drink more.

Well, the thing with the place you come from…Ah no, wait, different blog post.

 

 

 

Things You Say to Yourself in Your Twenties

…when you think you’ve suddenly got it all figured out. Or you feel like you don’t have to. But some of the things on your mind are…

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

OK, I thought the zit thing was over. This is really unfair.

This university thing is scary, but I’m not gonna tell anyone. How am I going to get a job with this degree? What am I going to do? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

Wow, moved into a dorm. Gonna pay rent and all. I’m so mature.

All those internships want someone experienced, but how am I supposed to gain experience if no one will hire me? Why won’t they let me get experience? How am I going to get a job later? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

They say exams are tough, but the studying really sucks. I hate waiting.

Oh my God, my first post-graduation job. When did it come to this?

MY FIRST PAYCHECK IT HAS MY NAME ON IT.

Where did the last three months go? I’m so tired.

Ran into Eyelashes the other day and was surprised I even recognized him. I’ve totally moved on. Also, his eyelashes are not that long, after all.

I totally know what I want in a man.

I have no clue what I want in a man.

I want to travel the world NOW.

I don’t have enough money to travel the world NOW.

Hey, look at me giving advice to a teenager!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things You Tell Yourself in Your Teens

…which might not necessarily be true or beneficial, but hey, how else are you supposed to find out?

That hairstyle is a really good idea AND I WANT IT NOW.

Oh my God, what did I do!

EVERYONE is wearing * insert item of clothing or accessory here * AND I WANT IT NOW.

All the boys like that girl and I hate her.

The boy I like likes that girl and I hate her even more.

Maybe I should try to be MORE LIKE HER! Even if I don’t know what she’s really like and what I’m like, BUT ENOUGH HOW CAN I BE MORE LIKE HER.

I want my school to do a real prom like in * insert title of most recently watched non-horror U.S. teen prom movie here *.

I WANT TO GO TO PROM.

When I go to prom, I’m going to start a She’s All That dance-off with moves I’ve never tried before, but I see them all in my head and there’s the movie, so who cares.

What do you mean, stiletto sandals are hard to walk in?

Monday again.

That boy has such long eyelashes.

Nobody will ever understand me.

His eyelashes are so long.

EVERYONE was so fussed about this party, but it’s actually really boring…and Eyelashes isn’t even here.

I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING LEAVE ME ALONE NOTHING’S WRONG.

More Things People Say to You When You’re a Redhead

There was a time when I naively thought I had listed all the possible comments I could get. I also thought I had caught the main season for getting those reactions. But no! Because there is no season, the fun continues!

Bild von Lorri Lang auf Pixabay

Have you ever thought about dying your eyebrows?

No.

It’s just they are lighter towards the edge.

Yes.

And it would be a more harmonious transition if you dyed them.

I like them as they are.

Do you ever fill them in? With a pencil?

No (resisting the impulse to add I only use pencils for note-taking, even if I know perfectly well what is meant).

Hey, wow, you’re REALLY fair!

Been there.

Yeah, I wouldn’t have dared to wear that lipstick, but somehow it does work on you, even though I guess it can get tricky, with your coloring?

Meh.

You should use sunscreen EVERY day.

SO SHOULD YOU.

Does anyone else in your family look like this?

MOM!

That’s your sister? The one with the dark hair? Your real sister?

MOM!

Wow, your mother looks so different from you, can’t believe you two are related.

MOM!

I’d say you’re more a strawberry blonde than a redhead, though.

And I really wouldn’t say anything.

No way, your hair is NOT red. You’re NOT a redhead. You’re, like, NOT ginger.

 

 

 

Notes from a Generous Packer

So, what kind of packer are you? My mother has the gift of both packing light and packing neatly. The amount of bags and suitcases she has sensibly filled for family members and friends since her youth would probably fill a book. My father and I, on the other hand, are generous packers, because we try to prepare for various situations. It’s impossible to prepare for them all, but when I’m going away for three whole days…

To paraphrase everyone’s favourite elf only slightly, socks are Dobby’s favourite clothes, Harry Potter. I can’t emphasize this enough. Even if it makes me sound like a granny. After one trip a few years ago (actually, it was a decade, but who’s counting) when I not only packed a bunch of summer dresses for what turned out to be mostly energetic walks through a beautiful village and some woods, but managed to get my two pairs of socks wet in the same day, I always take extra pairs. They don’t need a lot of space and if I won’t end up needing them, then fine. But I won’t wistfully wonder what it would have been like to have enough with me.

Three days, a rainy and chilly European February, one top and cardigan for the day of travel, same combo in different colors for changing, two more combos for the next two days, maybe another top and scarf in case my first travel set doesn’t dry in time after laundry. Yes, I do need a (small) suitcase by now.

Might get a bit warm, maybe pack a few T-shirts in addition to the long-sleeved tops? Maybe some leggings, besides the jeans?

The notebooks, don’t forget the notebooks. So the one for my to-do-lists, my calendar just in case (still like to write things down), the one for my writing ideas, the one for my current writing project, the one for blog scribbles…better take the bigger backpack.

Et voilĂ , I have myself my two pieces of independence-affirming hand luggage.

Maybe add a cross-body bag just in case…

TV Shows to Watch if You Work in an Office

The shows listed below are enjoyable all on their own and I could talk about The Big Bang Theory for hours, quoting and reenacting my favourite parts, which measure whole episodes. Obviously the list I’m posting here is based entirely on my personal opinion and experience. There is a lot of cool TV and film content (let’s use the modern word, darlings) to choose from across countries and decades, should you feel the burning need to find fictional visual representation of what you may have witnessed in the workplace.

(I didn’t watch The Office because I just have other tastes and I did need a bit of mental distance, preferring to transfer what I had seen back and forth on my own terms.)

Any office is a world of its own, where we might sometimes have to come up with a bit of a character to survive encounters with all sorts of other characters. And so, I lean heavily on…

The Big Bang Theory

This is arguably one of the best sitcoms and TV shows ever made. Whip-smart writing and jokes, memorable characters, relatable humor and immediately recognizable situations, a talented cast that only got better season after season, terrific comic timing, masses of quotable quotes and that constant influx of nerdvana and pop culture that I feed on in my daily life. The Big Bang Theory was also more than the comedy in it, reminding of the bigger things beyond the laughs – friendship, love, family, movies, physics…

The reason that it’s perfect fuel for navigating an office job is because it’s like a catalogue of quote cards for the inevitable absurd or funny situations we encounter. Pull up a scene from TBBT and it adds some sparkle to a frustrating moment, or creates a shared laugh with a coworker who might also be a fan. The best part, of course, is seriously quoting suitable passages at someone who has no clue. This trick also applies to the other two shows I’m about to mention, and they are…

The IT Crowd

Another one for the books. This is a British show from some years back, starring the brilliant Chris O’Dowd, Richard Ayoade and Katherine Parkinson, as well as many other wonderful actors.

The IT Crowd literally saved me from succumbing to a bad case of nerves during the first weeks of my new job. Not being an IT person, I had the typical episodes when trying to deal with a computer problem and then I had to actually contact someone about it. That was only half bad, being new and a shy person, but trying to explain what I thought was wrong and then attempting to answer additional questions was terrifying. But because I’d watched The IT Crowd and some of the things happening during my conversations with the lovely people trying to help me out were verbatim what I’d heard on the show, I knew this was real and that I would be alright.

In addition to the above, plenty of scenes in the show do deal with working in an office space and the resemblance to what I had seen in real life was, as they say, uncanny.

Downton Abbey

I got on this train rather late, after the first hype and leveled out a bit (or has it?). There’s something about all those British accents that makes me sit up straighter and feel like I can take on the world. Even when a chain of sudden social occurences threatens to create a scandal of horrific proportions one will never, ever recover from, the characters still sound like they could carry on. Or at least affect that posh accent and regal bearing while desperately figuring out what to do.

In the case of the “upstairs”, if you take away the grand setting and manners, it’s clear that the near constant upshoots of intrigue, emotional and social manipulation, mind games, but also attemps to work on things together are not much different from the day-to-day of interacting with other people while working on projects or creating something between the time spent at your desk.

Just as with the other two shows, a quote never hurts when someone tries to catch you out. In which case I would recommend either turning to the inimitable Lady Violet (hat off to Dame Maggie Smith) or Lady Mary, because whatever you may think of her, she certainly never has to look for words in her pocket, as the Russian saying goes.

 

What I Didn’t Know before Moving to Hamburg/ Germany

As it turns out, the information in the textbooks we used in my German language class back in the day (YouTube was in its baby years) and the actual move to Germany were two vastly different worlds. I had the grammar down pat, or at least most of it, and the next step was diving in. But the things I didn’t know…

Universal greetings worked, but local phrases worked better. Guten Tag was immediately and obviously formal, while the Hamburg Moin was a joyful discovery, since I love short ways of saying Hello. Then there’s the quintessentially German Na? This basically means How are you, what’s up? Works best among people more familiar with each other and a slight question mark intonation, but it’s important to not overdo it, otherwise the probably more reserved northern German you’re speaking to might feel threatened.

Sounds elementary, but I really didn’t think of (patiently) standing to the sides of subway train and bus doors to let anyone who needs to get off exit first.

Clearly visible lines painted on the floor beyond the counter in various places where you have to stand in line, advising discretion/ keeping your distance and reminding us all about the wonderful concept of personal space.

Anything that impends someone’s progress or gives them the feeling their time is being wasted causes immediate tutting (whether internal or external), frustration and sometimes even blame. But not if you apologize, for example for jostling someone or blocking the path. Then you usually get a polite headshake, maybe even a smile and a “Alles gut”.

Contrary to some perceptions of northern Germans, people are actually friendly, but you’re sort of expected to understand how things work on your own if there are signs around. Still, asking politely for directions or information never fails.

Humour in the workplace or academic settings should be distributed in small doses, at least at first. The same goes for sarcasm.

Mett is a thing.

It’s important to learn your verbs and how to use them correctly in questions, especially those meaning like, love, want and want less categorically. I once asked a classmate at university, “Magst du mit mir in die Mensa gehen?” What I thought I was saying was “Would you like to go the cafeteria with me?” What I actually said was something along the lines of “Could you follow along to the cafeteria?” She gave me a look and said, “Nein, mag ich nicht.” Well. I actually didn’t like her that much, anyway, so whatever, ha!

If you like making plans and lists, you’ll fit right in.

At work or an internship it’s common to bring a cake or something sweet for your coworkers on your birthday, or even after your trial period is over. There’s really no pressure and not all Germans do it, though I’ve been told by multiple expats they consider it a weird tradition.

Getting caught without a ticket on public transport is not an experience I would recommend pursuing.

Surprise, surprise, the German recycling system is well-known, but not all locals believe in it.

And finally, the biggest thing I didn’t know was how much I would love Hamburg, quirks and all. Moin!