Jupiter Ascending: Ten Standout Facts

Minor spoiler alert

The DVD arrived and the movie was refreshed in my memory, making me rush to the keyboard afterwards to record the following ten standout things about it (in painfully chronological order).

1. The score composed by Michael Giacchino has music to match the scope of the film with it’s sweeping scenes and expansive space views (not to mention the special effects).

2. Jupiter’s (Mila Kunis) Russian mother speaks either broken Russian or words that barely resemble the language, proving once again that Hollywood assumes no one is going to understand it anyway and gibberish can be planted in to a script. “Stalin’s eggs!” Please. That doesn’t even exist in Russian. Some proper research would be nice, as well as respect not only for the representation of different cultures, but for the fact that, considering modern mobility and global travel, there will most likely be someone in the audience who understands this particular language. Mila Kunis speaks grammatically correct, though with an accent, soothing the occasional wounded ear. At least you get the sense she is trying.

3. Eddie Redmayne in the movie is one the most convincing scary things I’ve ever seen. In fact, the whole pack of Abrasax siblings is scary, but he beats them at it.

4. Cain Wise (Channing Tatum) immediately gives you the feeling everything will be alright, and his air-surfing boots are fantastic. As is his coordination regarding skating up a storm and catching Jupiter when she falls.

5. The first time Jupiter flies out with Cain in a pretty void of sparkling air.

6. Seeing Jupiter’s family seated around a dinner table echoes my above sentiments about spoken Russian in Hollywood films. I get it, this movie also has room for humour, but this is stretching the stereotype way too far. Fat men in tracksuits open to the navel and her mother cursing at relatives at the table? Numerous relatives crowding in to one small house? Someone being adressed as Nino? That’s a Georgian name.

7. We know now that Ned Stark got reincarnated as Stinger Apini (Sean Bean). The moment you hear that accent…”Winter is coming.”

8. In case you didn’t know, “Bees are genetically designed to recognize royalty”, which somehow has a poetic ring to it, as Jupiter tries to come to grips with the unexpected events in her life.

9. “We need a plan. We need firepower”, says Cain. And all this is executed while shirtless.

10. Comforting wisdom which there is no harm in repeating: “It’s not what you do, it’s who you are.”



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