Thoughts

Writsomniac Worries etc.

When writing…only occasionally…every other day…now…just to fuel the creative fire.

“I can DO this! Right? RIGHT?”

yes

“This is OK, I’m in touch with my thoughts and my feelings, and I need that, I can identify them, I am my own psychoanalyst, I’m my own well of double-checking for that realistic human touch, I can DESCRIBE, for God’s sake, just the fact that I’m writing down this (hopefully not pointless) stream of consciousness makes me my very own James Joyce, so THERE.”

aha“Oh no. I’ve been sitting here for an hour now, and the text field is still empty. Shouldn’t something be happening by now?”

trampoline“This idea isn’t working. Why did I think it would work? Am I writing and making sense, or am I just typing whatever comes to mind? Does this even sound like me? Is it authentic? Is it true? Is it just a monologue about my idiosyncrasies and nothing more? Noooooo.”

cat“I don’t know if it works, or if it turned out the way I wanted it to, but at least I finished it! And now I can dance! Watch mah fingers!”

full house“Huh, I’m getting likes for this? Wow! Yes, of course this was a brilliant idea, dahling.”

no way

“I’m just going to go outside and breathe in the smell of flowers and look at butterflies. It might inspire me, I’m allowed! Everything will be alright!”

flowers

 

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Thoughts

How to Let Go of Feeling Mean in the Morning

I wanted to use another adjective in the title for this post, but there’s a list of vocabulary that I will not use in this blog, hence the (still good) choice of synonym. I was standing at the bus stop the other day and feeling a strong urge to succumb to acting in a way that would match the offending adjective, so I simply started thinking, what can I do to make sure that won’t happen? Because I didn’t like it. The feeling was giving me a lot of energy, though, so what can I do? turned in to how can I refocus this?

Well, the wish to act out can be channelled in to sensible things like letting loose for your morning strut to work, or what feels like a strut to you.

strut2

Continuing with the Charlie’s Angels theme, flip that hair while you’re at it!

flip

You WILL catch that bus, dammit! Run, baby, run!

run

How about a little self-imposed psycho-analysis? What exactly is making you feel this way? Did you spill your coffee at breakfast? Did you not get quite enough sleep? Does the dude in the line in front of you stink? Spilled coffee can be wiped up, stained shirts can be changed (if you’re already somewhere else when this happened, remember the world at large always has other things to worry about), one can catch up on sleep and the dude in front of you will eventually move away, or you can change your spot.

Basically it’s better to remember the nice thing your grandma said to you yesterday evening on the phone, or scroll through the Instagram pictures from your recent city break. And whatever anyone else who really is mean does or says:

pikachu

 

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Thoughts

Readsomnia

Just seeing a picture of colourful book spines is enough to make me feel charged and run again to my bookcase. It’s a reminder of one of the things I love to do most, because it goes hand in hand with my writsomnia.

There’s a stack of books on my nightstand, some of them with bookmarks sticking out of the middle, others waiting to be opened. A magazine with historical photos of my favourite city rests at the bottom, supporting the small tower on its wide cover, while several new additions to my library are lying atop the novels properly lining my bookshelves. So many memories and so many worlds at my fingertips.

During today’s Internet wanderings I came across this enjoyable and very relatable article on how to fit more reading in your daily routine. I wouldn’t say I’m a particular supporter of setting reading goals for myself – I tend to lean heavily towards wishes, curiousity and basic need. This probably stems from the many years of having to work with reading lists, first in heavily humanities based high school classes, then in a even more heavily literature based university course with a hastily put together curriculum. I never measured my personal reading, I just did it. And I’m afraid I still harbour a deeply-seated mistrust of school reading lists, while at the same time retaining proper respect for homework and school as a fact of life. By coincidence, the reading lists I had to deal with rarely reflected my tastes at that moment in time. But they encouraged me to make lists for myself, something I have taken up with renewed enthusiasm as an adult.

I’ve probably also been spoiled by always being allowed to curl up with whichever book I wanted and having the space at home to do so, not to mention a literature professor mother who I could ask about aforementioned literary works for university courses (cough).

The article by Mashable’s Scott Muska lists the very first tip which I myself love – to never leave home without a book. A friend of mine once said she liked to have a bag that would always fit a book, and I agree. Paperbacks are usually easy to take along, and even if I don’t get to peek in during the day (torture), it’s still comforting to know it’s there. And e-readers are a godsend! Being a big fan of turning pages and scrutinizing covers in anticipation, it took me a little time to warm up to mine, but I did. Grabbing a moment to read when you are waiting or not really doing anything somewhere is another tip the article gives – one of my favourite places to do this is the subway or the bus. I also discovered this increases my reading speed – something about being in a contained bubble of time until you have to get out. If not for a goal, reading does bring you towards a special sense of achievement. And reading before bed is a sure-fire way to get sleepy after a long day at work.

I don’t remember not being conscious of reading or what a book was. My great-grandmother was an educator and a large part of her career was spent teaching both children and adults how to read. Her daughter, my grandmother, became a beloved employee of her university library. Bookshelves lined the walls of her own home, where in turn her daughter, my mother, would spend hours reading, something she quietly learned to do on her own at the tender age of three, while listening to my grandmother teaching someone else in the family. It was at my great-grandmother’s house, also full of books, that my mother was discovered sitting on the floor next to an encyclopedia half her size, carefully turning pages. She would read to her own children, in some cases the same book several times over with each child. My father would take over on the evenings when she worked, patiently waiting while I “explained” the story myself based on the illustrations.

This connection with the printed and the written has followed me through several generations. I remember wandering around, trying to see what was on the topmost bookshelves in my childhood home and feeling confident that one day I would get to find out for myself. I remember taking learning to read as a given next step, and the elation of my first book-based discussions with both adults, siblings and friends alike. I remember light arguments about finally turning the light off on a school night not because of phone calls or too much TV, but because of being stuck in a book, vaguely muttering, “In a minute” and having that minute turn in to half an hour. I also remember trying to read under the covers with a flashlight à la my hero Harriet the spy, but it wasn’t as comfortable, so I abandoned that particular method.

Nothing has really changed, except that I may actually be sleepy the next morning since I stayed up reading, as the days of parental supervision are behind me, continuing a heated inner dialogue about the story until I get to lose myself in it outside of my mind either here or in a conversation.

 

 

 

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Why It’s Fun to Talk About the Weather

Because if you happen to live in a city with a moody climate, you don’t sound like an old person when you discuss it – EVERYONE notices the weather.

It’s always present, mercifully providing the age-old, tried and tested conversation starter or filler.

It’s also a convenient way to bore someone you don’t want to talk with to death, thus making them go away, but for this to work you can’t be funny – you should be exceedingly negative and drone on about one thing, like the rain or the fog. Hopefully they will get the hint.

If for some reason you’re not jumping directly in to a discussion about clothes or shoes (who doesn’t love those), talking about the weather is a good, albeit slightly roundabout way to do it. “Were you also caught in that downpour the other day? My chinchilla wrap was absolutely ruined. Oh, that’s a divine one you’re wearing, by the way, is it fox?”

Rainy weather may lead to stimulating debates on the merits of raincoats vs. umbrellas and rain gear or protection in general.

And finally, there are all these weather-referencing musical numbers and songs out there.

From the ever quotable classics:

To their mashups with 21rst century chart-toppers:

Or the gloriously ridiculous:

And the plain lovely:

Seriously, I could go on for hours.

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Ten Things You Can’t Help Doing While Standing in Line

Looking at the back of the heads of the two people in front of you and wondering what they would say if they knew what the backs of their heads looked like. Most likely they wouldn’t be impressed either.

Wondering what the back of your own head looks like.

Making eye contact and then wishing you hadn’t.

Noticing the rack of somewhat ugly congratulatory cards near you and trying to decide which one to get if this was the only place you could ever buy cards from.

Getting an itch.

Scratching the itch (getting creative, depending on where the itch is located).

Reliving the embarassing encounter with your former university professor over and over again in your mind. Wondering why that particular stumbling block of a word had to come back as you crossed paths after five years.

Staring at random things like the scarf of the lady in front of you or the stuffed animal in the hands of the kid beside her (stop staring!).

Listening to snatches of conversation that are fascinating only in this point of time and space: “No, it didn’t fit me, but I just pulled it over my stomach as best as I could”, “That dude over there is so ugly”, “People are such pigs“, “Dad, Mom is better at shopping than you are”.

Feeling an elated sense of accomplishment when the wait is OVER.

 

 

 

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